In Judaism, there are several occasions each year when the dead are memorialized. The most significant of these is yahrzeit, the anniversary of the death, which is observed according to the Hebrew calendar. Most synagogues keep registries of the Hebrew dates of members’ deaths and send out notices reminding family members of the yahrzeit date.
As is the case in all Jewish holidays, yahrzeit observance begins at night. A 24-hour candle is lit and, as one woman I know says: “The spirit of the dead person fills the room again for 24 hours.” One attends synagogue for the evening, morning, and afternoon services and again recites the Kaddish [the memorial prayer].
One should not go to a celebration or party on the day of yahrzeit, and some people fast on that day.
Adapted from http://www.myjewishlearning.com/life/Life_Events/Death_and_Mourning/Burial_and_Mourning/Yahrzeit.shtml
English: A lit Yahrtzeit candle, a candle that is lit on the Hebrew anniversary of a loved one’s death. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The yahrzeit candle is lit during the week of Shiva (mourning). It is also lit at sundown on the eve of the yahrzeit (anniversary of the death) and at sundown preceding the start of Yom Kippur and at sundown preceding the last day of Succot, Passover and Shavuot.
These holidays all have yizkor (memorial) in synagogue as well.
Rest in peace, Dearest Alice.
The above was written by Henry Scott Holland who lived from 27 January 1847 to 17 March 1918. He was Regius Professor of Divinity at the University of Oxford
I’ve read that quote often and it brings me hope – as well as the one below, also from Holland:
I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says ” there, she is gone!”
“Gone where?”
Gone from my sight. That is all.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says “There, she is gone.” There are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout “Here she comes!”
And that is dying.
It was two years ago today that I learned that Dearest (Alice) had died.
These two years have been a challenge with me missing my best friend, and the challenges of the site she left behind. I’m trying my best to keep the boards going but just a couple days ago, I got an incredibly mean and hurtful email from someone.
Part of that said “People were benefiting from the site for 20 years, and you let everything get ruined. What was great is now completely worthless. Great way of honoring Alice, I hope you feel proud of yourself.”
Everywhere in my home, there are gifts and letters/cards she sent, emails I printed out, reminders all over. I’ll see something on TV and think that Alice and I will have a laugh over that – then I remember all over again.
I miss you so much, Alice! 😦
In Judaism, there are several occasions each year when the dead are memorialized. The most significant of these is yahrzeit, the anniversary of the death, which is observed according to the Hebrew calendar. Most synagogues keep registries of the Hebrew dates of members’ deaths and send out notices reminding family members of the yahrzeit date.
As is the case in all Jewish holidays, yahrzeit observance begins at night. A 24-hour candle is lit and, as one woman I know says: “The spirit of the dead person fills the room again for 24 hours.” One attends synagogue for the evening, morning, and afternoon services and again recites the Kaddish [the memorial prayer].
One should not go to a celebration or party on the day of yahrzeit, and some people fast on that day.
Adapted from http://www.myjewishlearning.com/life/Life_Events/Death_and_Mourning/Burial_and_Mourning/Yahrzeit.shtml
English: A lit Yahrtzeit candle, a candle that is lit on the Hebrew anniversary of a loved one’s death. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The yahrzeit candle is lit during the week of Shiva (mourning). It is also lit at sundown on the eve of the yahrzeit (anniversary of the death) and at sundown preceding the start of Yom Kippur and at sundown preceding the last day of Succot, Passover and Shavuot.
These holidays all have yizkor (memorial) in synagogue as well.
Rest in peace, Dearest Alice.
It was a year ago today that I learned that Dearest (Alice) had died.
It was especially bittersweet because we came home from vacation through JFK airport a couple days ago. JFK was the last place I ever saw Alice alive.
This year has been a challenge with me missing my best friend, and the challenges of the site she left behind.
Everywhere in my home, there are gifts and letters/cards she sent, emails I printed out, reminders all over. I’ll see something on TV and think that Alice and I will have a laugh over that – then I remember all over again.
I miss you so much, Alice! 😦
I just read this on Facebook:
On this day in 1971, Carole King’s TAPESTRY was released, becoming the longest charting record by a female solo artist in Billboard History. I listened to my Tapestry cassette relentlessly. So Far Away, I Feel The Earth Move, Tapestry, You Got a Friend, It’s Too Late Baby, Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow… It was just loaded with greatness. What was your favorite track?”
In the very early days of Power Surge on AOL, I found out somehow that this album was one of Alice’s very favorite records (yes, this was a long time ago!)
I was wanting very badly to impress Alice, to be her friend, so I went to the music store and bought the piano version so Alice could play this and sing along.
The one person I knew who had Alice’s address wouldn’t share it with me for privacy reasons. I finally had to send it to HER and she sent it on to Alice.
She loved it, as I knew she would.
We would often reference music from this record in our later phone conversations. I have a copy on my computer (upgraded to mp3!) and would sometimes play selections over the phone.
I miss you today, as always, Alice.
Another birthday is here and I’m catching up on you age-wise. 😦
Each year, the non-birthday-girl would be planning and plotting online, as well as real-life, surprises. We had hand-made wrapping paper and all sorts of exotic and non-exotic gifts. Right now, I’m wearing a cozy robe from a zillion years ago.
Way back in 1998, when I was learning web design, I posted a whole mini-site for that birthday. Unfortunately, html code no longer allows for the music to play, but I had carefully thought out tunes for each day. The page titles aren’t showing, either.
- The main page title was “Happy Millenium Birthday, Alice!” and played a simple Happy Birthday
- The theme to Perry Mason aka “Peri MasonPause” on the “Flora” page
- the “Born” page had the theme to Alice’s Restaurant with no special title
- the “Robert Redford” page had The Way We Were. The title was “To Alice, from Bob (with lust)”
- the “musician and his music” page was Bach’s Toccata and Fugue and the title was “Happy Bachday, Alice!”
- the “flowers” page was The Rose with no special title
See that site here: http://www.oconnormusic.org/aliceBD/birthday.htm
The last page of that site was particularly important. I’d emailed all of Alice’s past guest speakers and other PS members and compiled this list of great wishes: http://www.oconnormusic.org/aliceBD/guests.htm
We’d be up at 12:01 am, posting wishes, decorating message boards and doing the final touches for websites.
In 2003, I’d apparently posted a picture of Flora Dora (again!) and Alice responded:
MaryO, what can I say other than that it was a wonderful and beautiful surprise to see my guest announcement area turned into a beautiful, sparkling birthday greeting — and Flora Dora, Power Surge’s mascot and RR — but especially your beautiful wishes.
I responded:
After all these years, it’s getting harder and harder to come up with new ideas for how to do an online surprise. There have been a variety of different things for different birthdays, but I have to keep you guessing I hope that you don’t mind that I’m holding the announcement area hostage for a little longer.
I’m sure that many of the newer people don’t know who Flora Dora is, but she’s an essential part of Power Surge so she have to be included somehow – kinda like inviting your maiden aunt to Thanksgiving 🙂 Of course, RR is welcome – anytime! I’m so glad that I could make an online surprise for you again this year – maybe I should start planning for NEXT year already.
I hope we share many more birthdays together as the close friends we’ve become over the years.
On a more serious side, you’re very welcome for the “beautiful wishes”. Sometimes, words fail me and I don’t do things justice, but you and Power Surge have changed my life in so many ways that go beyond “simple” menopause issues. When I first came to Power Surge on AOL, I was a confirmed lurker, reading only, never posting.
The first chat I tried to hide out until you asked me a question, encouraging me to talk. This was all so scary for me, communicating with others – online or off. I can say with confidence, that I’m no longer a lurker on the boards and in the chats like I was, and that was all your doing. Thanks so much for that!
Now I just have to work on my real life lurkership! The knowlege I got here in Power Surge, even when I was lurking, helped me so much with my menopause, my symptoms, my everyday life. Like most everyone else, I learned about the way to help my meno symptoms and I’m so thankful of that, that I could be feeling better.
When my husband was very sick, close to death, my first December in PS, I wouldn’t post, but I would come home from the hospital and read everything that other people were posting. It seemed so great to me, and it was such a comfort to me to know that everyone was out there. I recognized people’s names and enjoyed “listening” to the banter and chatter, and that gave me something other than the hospital and my own worries to think about. No matter what the time of day was, I could always read and see that things were ok with the world, and know that we were going to survive this. What a wonderful community Power Surge is!
Things have come along way since then. My husband made it, thanks to a skilled surgeon and a LOT of prayer. And I gradually changed, too. I’m obviously not afraid to post anymore, or go to chats, and I really have you to thank for that. Over the years there have been many changes, the boards have moved, been started again from scratch, updated, all kinds of things, as have the chats, but one thing remains clear and unchanged – and that Power Surge isn’t just another “website”. It is a true community for women in midlife, something we can gain daily strength from. (sorry about the preposition!)
And it’s all because of you, Dearest Alice Stamm. Thank you so much, and I hope it was a wonderful birthday – you deserve the very best!
Hugs and thanks from the bottom of my heart! Mary
From the message boards in 2004:
From 2005:
We have decided to let you accept the responsibilities of a 6 year old again.
If you want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks, that’s great.
If you want to think M&Ms are better than money, because you can eat them, they are calorie-free (today only!).
If you want to lie under a big Oak tree next summer and run a lemonade stand with your friends (and fellow Surgettes) on a hot summers day, we’ll give you a voucher.
That summer-time voucher is also good for walking on the beach and thinking of the sand between your toes and the prettiest seashell you can find. Or you can spend the afternoon climbing trees and riding your bike.
We are returning you to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, addition tables and simple nursery rhymes. But that didn’t bother you, because you didn’t know what you didn’t know and you didn’t care. When all you knew was to be happy because you didn’t know all the things that should make you worried and upset.
You’re going to go to school and have snack time, recess, gym and field trips.
You’ll be so happy, nothing will make you upset.
We’re going to let you think that the world is fair. That everyone in it is honest and good…that anything is possible.
For today, you’re going to be oblivious to the complexity of life and be overly excited by little things once again, returned to the days when reading was fun.
No worries about time, bills, websites that crash, guest chats where the guest can’t get in, excess email, time….No more worry about computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, aches, pains, doctor visits or illness.
We’re going to help you believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, health, dreams, the imagination, mankind and making angels in the snow.
You’re going to be 6 again, for today (and probably some of us will want to join you!). From all of us…
QUOTE (Dearest @ Nov 10 2005, 09:23 AM)
Thank you all for your warm and wonderful birthday wishes.
A very special thank you to my friend, MaryO, for the beautiful greeting, for including Power Surge’s mascot, Flora Dora at the top of the screen — and especially for allowing me to be six again even if only for a day 🙂
And I said:
You know, you can always apply for an extension of the day being 6. Click here to apply.
Glad you had a great birthday and much-needed vacation. If you want to extend either of those, please let me know and I’ll see if I can locate an extension for either of those.
Happy Post-Birthday!
In 2006, Alice said:
Thank you ALL for your wonderful birthday wishes and beautiful sentiments about how much Power Surge means to and has done for you. That makes all the years of work that’s gone into this “community” worthwhile (with, perhaps, the exception of dealing with HACKERSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!) 🙂
I don’t know some of you very well. Others I know well and have established lovely friendships with. You know who you are. Thank you, too, for your beautiful flowers, birthday cards, online greetings, etc.
And thank you, my dear friend, MaryO, for starting this topic and for being the sister I never had 🙂 I’m so glad I impulsively decided to give myself a birthday present last month and called saying, “C’mon, let’s go to see Streisand!!” That was the highlight of my/our year. To be sitting so close to her, and SO close to and watching people mingle like: Bill and Hillary Clinton, Lauren Bacall, James Brolin, Katie Couric, Stephen Sondheim, Rosie O’Donnell, Sting, Hugh Jackman, Steven Spielberg, Regis and Joy Philbin, Sara Jessica Parker — and many, many others.
It was like the first time we met a few years ago and stopped into a restaurant only to find a few minutes later that Gena Rowlands, Ben Gazzara, Peter Bogdonovich, Carol Kane and others, whose names elude me at the moment, came in and sat at the table next to us. Knowing me, I had to go over and talk to them, especially Gena Rowlands, who’s still beautiful and elegant and was so gracious.
The past few years, starting with my emergency surgery and all the ensuing complications, my mom’s fall down the stairs and subsequent need for constant care, my dad passing away only four months later and my own ongoing and confusing health issues — too much stress.
The past few months have been better — we’ve both been through a LOT this year especially!
Special thanks to those of you who’ve generously given donations (some of you even more than once) to the site to help defray some of the expenses of running it.
I’m grateful to be alive and very proud of Power Surge and all the women (and men) it’s helped over the years plus all the wonderful women who participate in it 🙂
Alice
And I responded:
To be sitting so close to her…
You mean me…or Barbra? LOL
It was so amazing how that trip worked out. It was the most spontaneous thing I had ever done.
My son was home from grad school for “fall break” formerly known as Columbus Day weekend. He was flying back on Wednesday, through JFK.
After Alice got the tickets for Barbra on Monday (amazing in itself), I was able to get on Michael’s flight to JFK – only one trip to the airport! The flight number was the same as Alice’s street address. Do I hear Twilight Zone music?
What a great birthday gift you got for yourself – thank you so much for sharing it with me 🙂
Happy post-birthday!
From 2007
The top header on the boards:
Followed by
And Alice said…
Firstly, {{{{{MaryO}}}}, my old and dear friend, thank you for starting this topic and for the beautifully creative graphic and sentiments you made for my birthday. I don’t have to tell you what your friendship has meant to me all these years (you already know). Hugs!
Thank you all for your good wishes. Someone wrote to me, “I hope you had a peaceful birthday.” That’s exactly what it was . . . peaceful.
Thank you also for your kind words about Power Surge. It’s been a labor of love for 14 years . . . about to start its 15th year Feb. 3rd, 2008. I have a pretty good idea how many women’s lives have been impacted by this “community.” In all these years, including the start-up years on America Online, I’ve probably posted in the area of 100,000 messages on the numerous PS message boards. I can’t post as much as I used to any longer for many reasons, but I’m always working in the background to maintain this site that’s become a tremendous source of information and haven of support for all the visitors who come to it every day.
What started out as a blank page in an HTML editor has grown to exactly what I’d planned. I’m very proud of every facet of Power Surge including this message board.
Finally, thank you to all those who have made donations to Power Surge. I have thanked each and every one of you individually. Your donations have been helpful in defraying some of the ever-increasing costs involved with running Power Surge.
Again, thank you.
Best,
Dearest
Then, 2008
And that’s enough for this year. I have to save some out 🙂
~~~
So, it’s 15 years since I made that first silly website. I’m still scrambling to get something to post by 12:01 am for your birthday.
I still can’t believe that you won’t be reading this later, calling me when UPS / amazon / FEDex arrives with gifts so we can open them “together”.
We’ve said it once, we’ve said it dozens of times. Even when we’re apart we’re
“Grief can destroy you –or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. OR you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn’t allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it.
But when it’s over and you’re alone, you begin to see that it wasn’t just a movie and a dinner together, not just watching sunsets together, not just scrubbing a floor or washing dishes together or worrying over a high electric bill. It was everything; it was the why of life, every event and precious moment of it. The answer to the mystery of existence is the love you shared sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it, to the sanctity of it, you can’t get off your knees for a long time, you’re driven to your knees not by the weight of the loss but by gratitude for what preceded the loss.
And the ache is always there, but one day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life.”
~Dean Koontz, Odd Hours
Power Surge 